Lakeisha Holloway drove her car off the road in Las Vegas, killing a man, after trying to find a place to sleep
Lakeisha Holloway drove her car off the road in Las Vegas, killing a man, after trying to find a place to sleep

JANUARY 13, 2016 — Gripping the steering wheel so tightly my hands hurt, I saw my mama so many years before, looking straight ahead to the road, trying to not let the mountain of tears crush her soft face. Now it was me and my son alone on the highway, 30 years later, trying to drive away from my torn and crumbled heart.

It was in this ride that the story of houseless mama Lakeisha Holloway floated through the corporate media dial. This in-struggle mama drove her car into Jesse Valenzuela, killing him and injuring several more people while her three-year-old was in the backseat.
Media reports claimed that Holloway, who lived in her car with her baby, was reportedly “stressed out” after being chased by security guards from the parking lots where she had been trying to sleep before the crash. The corporate media went to great pains to put the words “stressed” and “out” in quotations, implying a veneer of disgust for this mama in struggle, a consistent theme I have witnessed with reports of poor mothers who commit crimes of desperation like these.

Having a child in poverty anywhere in the world is unspeakably hard. In the global south the conditions might be much worse than in LA, Texas or Las Vegas. But like my mama always said, the experience of not having access to food or a safe place to take care of your child is universal.

From Salinas to Sao Paolo, more and more mothers and fathers are unable to secure safe lives for our families, and this experience causes a dangerous level of stress. Parents are already naturally stressed. Add on the insane stress of poverty and houselessness, as well as many other forms of trauma that many of us poor folks still carry in our hearts and souls after our lives of generational poverty, white supremacy and colonization, and you have a completely unbearable situation. Many of us parents hold on by a thread and raise our children in trauma. Many of us just crack.

In 2005 I wrote about LaShuan Ternice Harris, another 23-year-young mama who “cracked.” In her case she was dealing with houselessness and untreated mental health when she ended up committing the almost unthinkable act of throwing her three babies off Pier 7 in San Francisco. In 2011, I wrote about Rachelle Grimmer, mama of two children from Texas, who shot herself and her children in the Laredo county social services agency, after trying, unsuccessfully to get her meager food stamp allotment.

Food stamps usually run $180 to 340 a month. Try feeding your children on that.

Lekeisha, LaShuan, and Rachelle aren’t “bad” mothers as many people might be quick to say. They were overwhelmed, unhoused, unhelped, extremely depressed, and worst of all, completely alone. In the case of LaShuan and Lekeisha, their depression was untreated because there are no proper mental health services if you are poor, and in all three cases these mamas were isolated with their trauma, depression and impossible situations.

Their stories are like my poor single mama’s story, trying to raise me first through welfare crumbs, then as a working poor mama, then becoming disabled when I was 11 and finally becoming houseless because of what she described as “too many little murders of the soul.” We were without a roof, a network, or a solution.

This kind of aloneness, specific to US capitalism, which normalizes isolation as “independence” with no regard for how hard it is for single parents to raise our children without any support. This pathological isolation, which is supported by a US “bootstraps” ideology of making it on your own, leaves us single parents alone with our pain, our grief and our children.

And if you still think these mothers are “bad,” then I am “bad.” Twice in my life as single parent I have envisioned myself in violent, horrible scenarios because my trauma-filled mind was unable to handle my personal crises as well as the stress of raising a child. In 2005 when my son was just two years old and he and my very sick mama, who I was the sole caregiver for and I were in extreme poverty, again houseless and forced to steal food so my son could eat, my mind wandered into a hole of suicidal thoughts. Then just recently, after struggling with a very serious personal crisis, my mind fell into a horrific scenario of running my car into a pole, only being able to stop myself when I remembered my now 12-year-old son was in the back seat.

In the most recent situation, one of the only things that kept me okay was repeating to myself, it’s going to be okay when I get home. That I even had a home, albeit humble, to get warm in, cook food for my son and myself and most important of all, to hide in, kept us alive.

I can’t explain in mere words the simultaneous beauty, blessing and struggle of being the sole caregiver for a human who has only you to turn to. It is why our multi-nationed, pre-colonized, ancestors from all four corners of Mama Earth knew that the village was not only important but necessary to support the proper raising of a child. Isolated single parents who are often just barely out of childhood themselves, navigating the impossibility of the capitalist hamster wheel with no support system to turn to and the scarcity model of welfare — or “hell-fare” as us poor mamas at POOR Magazine call it, is insanely hard.

Once we complete the 55-page proof-of-income forms and endless applications required for any kind of medical, food stamps, or housing support, and then if we are lucky and we qualify for the tiny scarcity model crumbs we barely receive as poor parents for medical, food or housing support, our lives are criminalized for receiving them.

If we have $5 dollars to our name and don’t claim it, if we are living with anyone and don’t “claim it,” we face immediate disqualification from aid, and if we do it claim it, we are disqualified. If we are “found” out to be houseless in most states, we are at risk of losing custody of our children. And then if we do receive the tiny crumbs of aid we are constantly being threatened with the loss of those crumbs because of one of these “crimes of poverty.”

Finally, we live in a time when most major cities have serious housing shortages due to the over-building of luxury housing by mayors who pander to real estate developers and, most recently, the newest threat on the last form of poor people housing — privatization across the nation of our public housing, selling it off to private corporations and on the stock market so more houses can be available to higher income people and no housing is reserved for us poor folks.

I’m not saying US scarcity models, homelessness, isolation, and lack of services kill families, but they certainly add to the violence of poverty and the extreme stress of life as a poor parent. It is why we poor mamas created MamaHouse — a collective home for low-income single parents and children. It is why we poor mamas launched the welfareQUEENS poetry and activism project which teaches both service providers and educators how to properly advocate for mothers and fathers in desperation, as well as to provide an outlet to other poor parents to heal through poetry and story-telling  It is also why we poor folks are working so hard to build and teach on Homefulness a landless people’s land-liberation movement that is built on interdependence, not furthers the lie of capitalist independence which isn’t good for anyone, much-less poor, single parents.

In the mean-time with the extreme rise in poverty and the growing number of houseless families across the nation I am asking all people to hold a little more compassion for all families, in all of our moments, good and bad.

  • Todd

    The housing shortage is due to over-building of housing? Er, OK.

    The one line precis of this latest piece of Tiny propaganda: Unless we throw money at poor people they will behave badly. Despite the fact that some poor people don’t behave badly and some rich people do.

    Sorry, but I’d rather spend the money ensuring that your bad behavior cannot affect me.

    Oh, and the reason the application form for welfare is 55 pages is because there is a lot of welfare fraud. Or is that the kind of bad behavior that you think is somebody else’s fault as well?

    • hiker_sf

      “Unless we throw money at poor people they will behave badly.”

      In case you don’t know, reading comprehension isn’t your strong suit. Neither is empathy or being a decent human being.

      • Todd

        I read Tiny’s premise as being that poverty causes bad behavior. She gave examples. The implication was clear that she thinks we should give more money to poor people to stop them behaving badly. Some might even see that as a threat.

        I see your plan of ignoring my posts lasted exactly one day.

        • hiker_sf

          I used the wrong browser hence I’m seeing your posts. You change your name so often that I actually forgot you are posting as Todd now. After I post this, I will revisit 48 Hills with the proper troll-blocking browser so I won’t see your posts.

          If you feel that Tiny’s post is a threat, by all means complain to Tim. He needs a good laugh.

          • Todd

            It was a generic threat rather than a specific threat. I’d report a specific threat to the police, not Tim.

            I shall enjoy not being stalked, so thank you for that commitment.

        • Nancy Snyder

          She was referring to the damage that happens when one is consistency exposed to physical and mental stress – countless studies have been done on the subject

  • hiker_sf

    “I’m not saying US scarcity models, homelessness, isolation, and lack of services kill families, but they certainly add to the violence of poverty and the extreme stress of life as a poor parent.”

    While I don’t think this explanation of what Lakeisha did is a good platform for reform, I will say it because it is true: US scarcity models, homelessness, isolation, and lack of services kill families.

    Just because this death isn’t instantaneous doesn’t mean that it is better. The toxic effects of constant low-to-medium levels of stress associated with poverty kills people and actually makes them more susceptible at birth to illness and early death.

  • Loretta

    I’m almost eighty, and sometimes find it difficult to believe what this country has become.

  • MKR

    There is no question that poverty and stress can drive people to do insane things. While I empathize with Lakeisha Holloway she might have considered putting a baby up for adoption instead of trying unsuccessfully to raise one alone in poverty. She’s not doing the kid any favors by killing a bunch of people and probably going to prison.

  • AlbertoRogers

    Why is “bad” in parenthesis? She murdered an innocent person. Poverty is tough. I’ve been poor, but it doesn’t excuse murder. The world is full of people much poorer and less fortunate than Ms. Holloway and they aren’t mowing people down with cars. The author laments the fact that Ms. Holloway was a single parent….the woman she murdered, Jessica Valenzuela, (not Jesse Valenzuela, and not a him) left behind 3 daughters under the age of 6. That is “bad”.

  • Tod1732

    “Our multi-nationed, pre-colonized, ancestors from all four corners of
    Mama Earth knew that the village was not only important but necessary”

    Yes, our idyllic Aztec and other Mother-earthian paradises were destroyed, because for-profit companies. The mothers who threw their kids into the bay to drown them and who road-raged in Las Vegas with their children in the car are not to blame for anything. Viva la revolucion!

    You go gir! You go, Tinie! Are you still driving a brand new SUV around town?

    • Todd

      Is that true about Tiny driving a brand new SUV? Deliciously ironic, if true.

      “Peoples land liberation movement”? Didn’t that used to be called squatting?

  • MKR

    Having a child with no money and no support group has never been a good idea in history and is even less of a good idea in the United States today.

  • David Podger

    This article is a lift from The Onion, right?

    • AlbertoRogers

      No. If the Onion was parodying the death of an innocent person, they would at least get her name and gender correct.

      • Todd

        It’s easy to get fake vowel-infused names like Lekeisha and LaShawn confused.

        • AlbertoRogers

          ummm they messed up Jesse and Jessica.

        • LG

          Do you get tired of trying to pretend to yourself that you’re not a racist?

          • Todd

            Nobody was discussing race. Why the card?

          • Nancy Snyder

            there is no card – it is just so damn obvious

    • Mike K

      This is worse than ” the onion”. That is farce , this is real and people are making excuses for this murderer.

  • SnapsMcKenzie

    Yaaaaaaaas Tiny – preach sistah!!

  • LG

    Tiny: I am very glad you have a home now, and a safe place to bring your son. I can’t keep this question out of my mind, though: back in 2003, when he was born, it seems you were in a very unstable situation. Why did you decide that was a good time to have a child?

    • Nancy Snyder

      maybe it’s none of your business – deciding to keep a child is an extremely difficult and personal decision

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