Some modest suggestions for Mayor Lurie to appoint for D4 supe

I live in District Four, where Mayor Daniel Lurie soon will be appointing a replacement for the supervisor who was recalled by voters. To ensure that the mayor hears from the district about its needs and preferences for the replacement, I’m going to make a few recommendations. 

I hear Jimmy Kimmel needs a job. He may not currently live in District Four and I’m not sure how soon he can move here. He may have to commute for the first few weeks, until he finds suitable and affordable housing. But the mayor could conditionally offer the position to the just-banned talk show host, if Kimmel promises to fly into the city at least once a week for a Board of Supervisors meetings. Committee meetings and hearings might be attended via Zoom; Kimmel is, after all, a veteran of small-screen entertainment. He might even be asked to serve as host of some proceedings, with special guests bringing their insights and tips to city residents. The ratings for the board meetings would rise.

The offer to Kimmel, whether accepted or not, would let the rest of the country know San Francisco doesn’t object to a comedian saying: “We hit some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them, and doing everything they can to score political points from it.” Let the rest of the country and the ABC television network know that San Francisco still honors free speech and a diversity of opinions, especially if they’re humorously critical of plutocracy.

Stephen Colbert, dropped by CBS much as Kimmel was released by ABC for joking about Donald Trump and his friends, might be offered the job, too.

If Kimmel and Colbert aren’t available, how about asking a local man with a sense of humor, Tom Ammiano, who can quickly move into District Four, if he’s willing to serve? The board could use some comic relief, especially from a veteran progressive like Tom. If not Tom, how about comedienne and actress Marga Gomez? Or a member of the comedy team of Killing My Lobster (also in need of employment since this is their last season)?

The mayor might object to appointing a representative who stands to the left of his own position on the spectrum. But the situation offers him an opportunity to move to the left himself, to prove he’s not just another billionaire buying an election. I would like to hear him say that he’s sorry he’s not as progressive as Zohran Mandami, at least not yet, and that he’s realizing that the United States needs more daring, outspoken, democratic and socialist leaders, government officials who can make urban and rural life more affordable and preserve domestic tranquility without the National Guard or ICE doing their bidding.

Words to this effect would sound better, at least more humorous, if Jimmy Kimmel delivered them. Maybe the mayor also can ask Kimmel’s staff of writers if one of them needs a job. 

Joel Schechter is the author of several books about satire.