Dear Gavin: Here are some (free) tips for your presidential campaign

Dear Gavin Newsom:

I want to thank you for temporarily acting as the president of the United States should have, by going to Brazil’s climate change conference (COP30), speaking on the need to fight climate change, and signing memos of understanding to advance renewable energy projects and reduce greenhouse gas emissions in coordination with a number of nations.

I don’t expect we’ll ever see Donald Trump anywhere near a rainforest. But I was pleased to see you visiting Brazil, especially because, as your press release said, you were “reinforcing California’s position as the reliable partner nations can count on when Washington fails to lead.”

The fact that this step onto the world stage won’t hurt your chances of securing the Democratic nomination in the 2028 presidential race wasn’t mentioned in the press release, but if that’s a byproduct of your fight to counteract the climate crisis when Trump won’t, I can live with it, and I’m sure you can too. I didn’t mind that you called Trump’s absence from COP30 “disgraceful,” either.

One small note of regret. While you called for climate change mitigation, as our president should, you also borrowed some of Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani’s campaign ideas about making life affordable, when you suggested that climate disasters are costly, “a cost of living issue.” You might have given Mamdani some credit or at least noted he too has been critical of the “affordability crisis,” but I guess you had too much else to say.

Given the fact that you’re not going to become president until 2028 at the earliest, I want to encourage you to continue offering our nation the leadership shown in Brazil, by promoting other measures Donald Trump is unlikely to initiate. It’s not just a matter of starting your presidential campaign early; our city, state and country could use a few more Democrats speaking out against “disgraceful” White House inaction and insensitivity.

Without asking for any campaign consultant fees, I am going to suggest a few more steps you might take to promote your visibility nationally, improve life in San Francisco and California, and entertain the public at the same time.

1) Invite Patriotic Millionaires to hold a press conference with you on the steps of San Francisco’s City Hall (your old staging ground), ask Mayor Lurie to join you, and announce that you are standing with these wealthy Americans as they agree to pay their fair share. You could even quote their statement: “Wealthy Americans like us have rigged the tax code to give ourselves countless handouts, leaving working people paying higher rates than billionaires. We need to build a tax system that puts a check on the extreme inequality that threatens our economy and our democracy.” And then challenge Donald Trump and his friends to join you in the wealth tax campaign. I suspect they won’t. 

2)Now that you’ve been to Brazil, you could also go to Washington, DC, to seek more Congressional aid for cities like San Francisco. Call on Congress to subsidize more social and low-cost housing and mass transit. In your role as shadow president you might testify before various Senate committees, pose for photos with AOC and Bernie and the Squad. Consider the Hollywood movie prospects, too; there could be a Frank Capra remake (titled “Mr. Newsom Goes to Washington”) in your future.

3) But more important, for your 2028 campaign at any rate, you could also visit Wall Street and ask various bankers and brokers to invest in bonds that would pay for affordable housing and public transit in California and other states. “If the federal government under Trump won’t make America more affordable, maybe Wall Street can. Buy our housing and transit bonds,” you might announce with Zohran Mamdani at your side. I doubt that many Wall Street investors will agree with you, but some might; and this too will set the stage for 2028. Think of yourself as a new James Stewart in “Mr. Newsom Goes to Wall Street,” in which you ask bankers to “let the 99 percent occupy America.” I look forward to the movie version, with Brad Pitt playing the title role. 

I see the new film ending with Jefferson Smith (Pitt portraying you, with a new take on Jimmy Stewart’s speech to the Senate) on a platform above the stock exchange floor as he informs his listeners that “it’s time for wealthy men to pay up. Either I’m dead right or I’m crazy.” A cynical stockbroker (played by Tina Fey) asks if the governor “wouldn’t care to put that to a vote?” The bells of liberty ring in the background and the camera pans from Wall Street to the Statue of Liberty as the hero answers, “Why else would I be campaigning three years ahead of the next presidential election?”

Joel Schechter has written several books on satire.