Now that Donald Trump has taken over Venezuela’s oil wells and even appointed himself “acting president” of that country on his website, I can’t help but wonder if California’s oil wells will be his next acquisition.
I hesitate to mention this underdiscussed threat. Just the mention of it might give Trump an idea that hasn’t occurred to him because he’s too busy trying to take over Greenland. But once he’s done provoking international outrage and alienating all the other members of NATO with his Greenland confiscation, California could be next.
Trump would deny his decision has anything to do with Gov. Gavin Newsom’s recent call for resistance to the president’s activity. Speaking about European leaders in Davos who have not firmly opposed Trump’s authoritarian plans, Newsom announced: “It’s time to stand tall and firm and have a backbone. I can’t take this complicity, people rolling over.”
People are not just rolling over in Minnesota, Oregon, and Washington, D.C., where ICE surges and cruel, mass arrests have been encouraged by Trump. The residents have resisted in those cities and in Los Angeles, when the president’s men occupied that area; but there could be more troop deployment in California’s future.
While Venezuela’s oil industry needs some infrastructure repair, California’s doesn’t. Responding to Newsom’s call to “stand tall,” Trump just might do that by adding some or all of our state’s working oil wells to his portfolio. (Some of the wells are not too far from San Francisco—near La Honda and Half Moon Bay.)
The president might even commend Newsom’s approval of further drilling in the state. In September 2025, Newsom signed a bill that allows more oil drilling in California, despite objections by climate activists who call for more renewable energy to be secured through solar, water and wind sources.
Curiously enough, despite other differences, Newsom and Trump seem to agree at present that more, not less oil, is here for the taking. There’s a lot of oil in Texas, too, but Trump has too many friends and donors in that state to want to take over its wells. He has fewer friends in our state, especially in Newsom’s office. What’s to stop him from kidnapping Newsom and declaring himself “acting governor,” and announcing California’s oil is now his? Not the Republican Congress or Trump’s six Supreme Court judges.
First the takeover, then the renaming. The new holdings would become Trump-Chevron, Trump-Occidental Petroleum, Trump-Exxon-Mobil. Then there would be the offer of free gifts to Trump gas station customers: buy twenty gallons and receive a free red hat that says: “DONALD TRUMP: GREAT AMERICAN OILIGARCH”
Before federal troops take over the oil wells in California, Newsom might preempt the prospective occupation by announcing deployment of the state’s National Guard to major oil wells in the area. Far better to have the soldiers stand around oil wells than have them occupy our cities to assist ICE in its mistreatment of immigrants.
Defending the state’s oil against a Trump takeover would undoubtedly give the governor more publicity and possibly more public support for his so-far-not-officially-announced 2028 Presidential campaign. He might even receive sizable campaign contributions from Exxon-Mobil, Chevron, and his friend and Getty Oil heir, Gordon Getty, after they welcome Newsom’s deployment of troops to defend their property against Trumpization.
I know the chances of Gavin taking my advice are not great. If I thought he’d listen to me, I’d ask him to support the proposed wealth tax too, which he currently opposes. But just in case he’s listening, and wants another choice, I’ll offer him one more plan here—an alternative to calling out the troops:
The governor could demand the return of Venezuelan oil wells back to Venezuela. Say America doesn’t need more oil, it needs more solar and wind power. Newsom could also retract his permit for more drilling. Say we use too much oil already, and need to “stand tall and show some backbone” by leaving the oil in the ground. Also say our country doesn’t need to conquer small nations like Greenland or Venezuela, or need to deport hardworking and friendly immigrants, to be great again.
Still, I wouldn’t mind hearing the governor turn my first idea into a headline-winning proposal. I can see it now on newspaper front pages and internet news sites across the country: “Newsom warns Trump: “Leave California’s oil wells alone!’”
Joel Schechter has written several books on satire, and writes on Substack
