When Department of Justice lawyers recently defended Donald Trump’s right to demolish the East Wing of the White House and replace it with a ballroom, they argued that the president could also bulldoze the Statue of Liberty, and no one had the standing to stop him. Neither Congress nor the National Park Service, which maintains the statue could save Lady Liberty from demolition, according to the president’s lawyers.
Should San Francisco offer the Statue of Liberty sanctuary?
If Donald Trump hadn’t thought of destroying the statue before his lawyers defended the action, he’s probably considering it now. What better way to distract the public from his failure to end the war that he started in Iran, or shift attention from a troubled national economy that benefits mostly billionaires? Toppling the lady might not raise Trump’s approval rating, down to 34 percent at last count, but at least it would change the subject for a week or two.
Maybe the lady’s “not his type,” as he has said about some other women he is charged with assaulting, but that could be precisely the reason Trump decides to bulldoze the statue.
“She keeps inviting immigrants to give her their poor huddled masses yearning to be free; not any more, not on my watch,” Trump tells his cabinet. “No more immigrants, except white South Africans!”
“The Air Force could drop one of those bunker busters on her,” suggests the war secretary, “if we have any 2,000-pound bombs left.”
“Or we could send her back to France,” suggests the secretary of state. “You know she was designed and built there.”
“Deport her,” orders the border czar.
“Or sell her to a private collector in Dubai, I have a few friends there,” the president’s son-in-law proposes.
“I like the bulldozer idea,” Trump decides. “It’s a great photo op, especially if I’m in the cabin of the Caterpillar.”
“There’s some danger, sir,” advises one of his Secret Service guards, “the statue could fall and crush you.”
“Another assassination attempt?” asks the president.
“There could be other dangers, too,” warns his press secretary. “Imagine headlines like: “Trump Assaults Lady Liberty,” or “The Lady and the Trump!”
“I’m afraid word of your demolition plan has leaked out already, sir,” the vice president reports, “San Francisco is offering her sanctuary. The mayor says they could use another tourist attraction.”
“No, no, no, if San Francisco needs a new statue, send them one of me! Send the giant immigrant lady back to France! Amazon can ship her there! Just ask Bezos!” orders the president.
Protests arise, the war and the economy are briefly forgotten, sanctuary cities are compete for the honor of housing the lady; but the Supreme Court rules that the Statue of Liberty has no rights, being a statue, and is subject to the whims of the White House. The ship transporting the statue to France is destroyed by an AI guided missile that thought it was destroying a drug cartel boat. The nation mourns the loss, San Francisco commissions a tie-dyed replica, and the White House moves on to a different distraction.
Joel Schechter has written several books on satire.
