If you consider Alcatraz part of the prison pipeline, although it may be a section that is now closed to prisoners, Donald Trump’s proposal to reopen Alcatraz could be welcomed as the first new infrastructure project he has offered the San Francisco Bay Area.
State Senator Scott Wiener and Governor Gavin Newsom do not favor the proposal so far, but it offers San Francisco and the city’s new mayor, Daniel Lurie, an opportunity to meet with Trump, discuss the site currently open to tourists, and make a deal. It’s a chance to acquaint the president with San Francisco’s needs, which are many: More funds are needed for education, affordable housing, public transportation, healthcare. The mayor might propose turning Alcatraz into an affordable housing complex, a facility that could benefit hundreds of local residents.
The president could reduce the city’s shortage of affordable housing by funding a mixed-used plan for the new Alcatraz Island complex. Instead of the usual small percent of affordable housing units built while the rest of the apartments rent for a high market rate, I would suggest making 99 percent of the Alcatraz apartments affordable, available at low to moderate cost for San Francisco teachers, librarians, artists, janitors and other essential workers. A high-rise on the island would offer residents terrific views of the Bay, the hills of San Francisco, and a bridge or two. Trump could easily fund the project by diverting funds from his huge Pentagon budget. And a small subsidy to the ferry-service that sails to and from the island would ensure that no one has to escape by swimming.
Donald Trump might reject the plan because he wants to make a once great prison great again, to hold inside it those who (in his view, if I understand it) are on the verge of taking over the country. Alcatraz once was a great American prison, before the advent of mass incarceration which now calls the need for so many cells into question. But the island will never again house Al Capone and the bird man made famous by Burt Lancaster’s portrayal of him. Its glory days are over—unless one cell is refurbished and kept open for a special guest.
To ensure that the island will once again be known as a place that can hold famous criminals, I would suggest that one and only one special, tourist-attracting cell should be kept open on Alcatraz and reserved for the most notorious of criminals: a man capable of high crimes, violations of the United States Constitution, war crimes, impeachable offenses and as many as 34 felonies. Donald Trump himself might want to tour this cell, and stay inside it while cameras roll to increase his currently low ratings. But for now, he needn’t worry about being locked up there, long as he travels with the lawyers, a Secret Service crew, and a friendly Supreme Court justice or two, who so ably protect him.
The re-opening of Alcatraz, with its special celebrity prison cell and new, affordable housing, will continue to lure tourists to the island— more than ever if the new cell is furnished with some of the President’s favorite things: a few secret documents, a golf green, a tray of fast-food. If Trump can’t spare the time to visit the cell himself on opening day, perhaps one of his devoted assistants, J.D. Vance, Marco Rubio or Elon Musk, can stand-in for him and stay over for a few years.
I know the president may not entirely welcome my mixed-use plan for Alcatraz, especially the part that reserves a cell for him and his accomplices. But I still would like to see Mayor Lurie propose to meet with Trump about use of this coveted land, and ask him to fund affordable housing in San Francisco proper as well as Alcatraz. Call it crime prevention—say San Francisco wants to keep people off the street, provide affordable homes instead of jails to those in need of a place to live. And promise the president to hold a room for him on Alcatraz, so he can visit anytime, and stay there as long as he wants—better yet, as long as we want him there.
Joel Schechter has written several books on satire.
