First of all, congratulations are in order. I see that Joe Biden announced his withdrawal from the presidential race on X (formerly Twitter), your Internet message service. Kamala Harris has also posted messages on X. You may not be partial to some of their political programs, but they seem to be two of your clients.
I don’t see why you are giving the Trump campaign $45 million a month. He claims to be a billionaire himself.
I can see you supporting Harris (formerly of Biden-Harris) in other ways, too. I say this out of concern for your future as well as mine.
First of all, my advice (close their account!) will save you $45 million a month. I can understand why you might support candidates who promise to cut your taxes again. You may even agree with their opposition to women’s choice, their refusal to ban assassination weapons, and their plan to deport millions of hardworking immigrants.
But why support a candidate (Trump) who vehemently opposes this country’s transition to electric vehicles? Trump’s vow to “drill, baby, drill” if elected favors gasoline-fueled, carbon-emitting cars over electric-battery charged engines, and one way or another that means fewer Teslas sold, as Trump’s policy reduces public support for renewable energy and your kind of car.
Would it not be in your interest to redirect that $45 million a month to activists and electoral candidates who oppose climate catastrophe? If you don’t want to spend that much, could you at least say a few words in favor of green energy, advocate alternatives to fossil fuel, and call for multi-party endorsement of electric vehicles?
Continuing to keep your interests in mind, and having a small personal stake in keeping the planet’s air breathable, I also propose that you reconsider the plan to move X (formerly Twitter) headquarters from downtown San Francisco to Austin, Texas. Your sudden, recent announcement suggests you’ve had it with our city, its politicians, if not its driverless cars (which are mostly Waymos, not Teslas), and you’re willing to endure Texan heat waves and floods rather than house a company’s headquarters in cool, occasionally foggy San Francisco. Some people might even imagine you’d prefer to live on Mars, where Space X is preparing to transport colonizers.
But I see another possibility. From my admittedly limited information derived from gossip columns, I gather you like to be unpredictable, wayward if not eccentric. For that reason, I’m offering you an opportunity to confound all your liberal critics (myself included), and show your openness to innovation, cool climates and outspoken campaigns against fossil fuel.
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If you must vacate the San Francisco X building, how about turning it over free of charge to green activists and give them millions? It would win you and your beneficiaries considerable attention in the press, possible “likes” from Sunrise, 350.org, even Bill McKibbon. Editorials would begin to ask if you’re suddenly turning liberal, or smoking too much weed, or finally discovering where your best interests and the planet’s coincide. I want to say you can’t buy publicity like that – but you can!
Joel Schechter is the author of several books on satire.
