I remember a few days before the 2008 Presidential Election when a Midwestern relative happened to walk into the room while Sarah Palin was talking on television. Her ears snapped alert at the weirdly Midwestern twang of the Alaskan rootin’ tootin’ straight-shootin’ VP candidate. “Who is that?” she asked in wonder, halted in her tracks by the hyper-nasal bulldozing of vowels.
I wanted to scream, How in the hell can you not know who is running for Vice President a week before the election?! But then I was bowled over by jealousy. That sweet, sweet summer child’s thoughts were completely unsullied by months, nay years, of acrimony and now-useless facts about every twist and tussle of Obama vs. McCain. Her brain was as tender and new as a baby’s bottom. Something something bliss, the saying goes.
I can’t promise to wipe your memory clean of every tweet, every vacillation, every garbage truck ride, every SNL skit, etc. of this tortuous cycle which again, as they say, may quench our democracy. But if you are huddled in a corner of your shower floor reading this, there are, in fact, some lovely things to do on Tuesday other than refreshing CNN and Googling “digital nomad visa.” And they are free! Even in this Biden Trump rampantly deregulated by both parties economy.
- FREE NOONTIME CONCERT AT OLD ST. MARY’S CATHEDRAL I am absolutely wild for the weekly oasis that is St. Mary’s Noontime Concerts, which provide musical respite from the urban hurly-burly even during the least hurly-burlyest of weeks. The November 5th edition, called “Modern Minds,” showcases almost a dozen works by living women composers originally written for solo harp, specially arranged for string trio for this performance. Duck into the grand Chinatown church and enjoy the peaceful ambience from a pew (you can even pray they don’t lose Pennsylvania, for those who partake) while Basma Edrees (violin), Amelia Romano (lever harp), and Kendra Grittani (cello) channel divine distraction. More info here.
- FREE MUSEUM DAY AT DE YOUNG AND LEGION OF HONOR MUSEUMS Why not lose yourself in the mighty works of Queen of Art Deco Tamara de Lemipicka at the de Young or brilliant impressionist Mary Cassatt at the Legion of Honor? There are two bright and brilliant shows, of contemporary SF artists and genius photorealist Robert Bechtle’s prints and drawings, at the de Young, and some stunning Renaissance tapestries at the Legion to transport you centuries back in time (and remind you how exquisite the autocratic arts were back them compared to now). Plus the buildings themselves are pretty cool. The first Tuesday of every month is free to all. (Another great thing to note: Saturdays are free for Bay Area residents.) More info here.
- FREE DAY AT THE CONSERVATORY OF FLOWERS Breathe in the fresh, floral scent of freedom at the gorgeous Conservatory of Flowers at Golden Gate Park, where you can check out exotic specimens from both the highland and the lowland tropics—places you may find yourself fleeing to if things go topsy-turvy, so best get acquainted now, eh? The Conservatory is free year-round for SF residents (as are the other Golden Gate Park Gardens: The Japanese Tea Garden and the SF Botanical Garden/Arboretum), but on first Tuesdays you can bring your out-of-town friends/political refugees. More info here.
- FREE PLAY DAY AT DETOUR ARCADE Restaurant and arcade bar Detour in the Castro is not only bursting with video games of now and yore, but also serves up tasty cocktails, great food, and retro movies. And every first Tuesday of the month, they offer free play all evening to everyone who buys something from the bar. (OK, technically not free, but you are supporting a sweet local business that also functions as a Home for Wayward Geeks). I can’t promise they won’t be flipping occasionally to election results in-between Back to the Future movies, but you’ll be too locked in on your third Galaga life to notice. Get there early, I advise. More info here.
- KARAOKE AT THE STUD Look, I’m going to plug my own bar here because this weekly howler has been a hoot. A twirling rotisserie of drag hostesses pipes in the tunes and pithy remarks, while everything from “A Whole New World” to “WAP” gets the business. The official name of this night is “Off Key Karaoke,” but there are some surprisingly good singers. I also want to make sure to recommend Dimples in Japantown (where I once massacred “Love is Stranger”) and, of course, perennial Best of the Bay Best Karaoke winner The Mint for more crooning amateur delight. 8:30pm-midnight, The Stud, SF. More info here.
If you must watch the election results pour in (probably inconclusively) than at least stress eat some free Joyride pizza while doing it! Hit up the free Election Night Watch Party w/ KALW at 111 Minna (7pm-10pm, free, more info here) and enjoy a cocktail or five as Rose Aguilar, Hana Baba, and the KALW news team welcome guests and experts to add their two cents while putting everything in context. Plus 111 Minna is also an art gallery where you can check out some really sweet local stuff, and wrap the Bay Area love around you.
